Pitch. Don’t Bitch!

We bitch to bond and bitch to wound. Some of us even view it as a catharsis that leads to a release from the pressures of work, relationships or life in general. At its best, bitching can be profoundly entertaining when we banter as equals. It can be witty, rude, or even confusing. From college mates to office colleagues, neighbors to strangers, everyone indulges in bitching once in a while (and your conception of this being a privy privilege of the fairer sex is a gross misunderstanding). Let's look at the lighter side of things that may on the surface seem clever or gossipy but may turn out to be a malicious habit.

In old times there were court jesters who used to entertain the royalty with funny, sometimes scandalous pieces of information; the modern times have their replicas in the form of friends, bored neighborhood aunties and even household assistants who do their due. There’s witty bitching, more commonly known to us as best-seller satires and a gamut of people, known or unknown who dare to wound face-to-face.

We bitch when things get complicated or just for the heck of it. We mostly bitch behind people’s backs when we find that happenings in their life are far more interesting than those in ours. We compare our partners and friends, talk about people’s attires, or the way they walk, talk or even work. There is rarely a sense of guilt involved, less so a sense of enquiry as to why we bitch in the first place. Truth is, we bitch in order to boost our ego and elevate our image, be a part of and popular in a group and develop a circle of like-minded people seeking improprieties in others’ behavior in order to hide their own shortcomings.


Clever bitching is considered thrilling by some who think that it allows them to distinguish themselves and show others that they really do not really care. People bitch to prove their dare and expose truths, which good manners dictate they shouldn’t reveal. They tend to forget that at its worse, bitching can be really hurtful. The irony is the line between wit and cruelty is so thin, it is almost invisible.

Says Pooja Singh, corporate executive, “I do bitch quite often, most of the times pretty unconsciously. It’s alright to bitch if I have a bad day or I feel powerless or inept in front of bosses, traffic officers and even my fellow bank colleagues. However, I make it a point to not cross my line and get outright rude or hurtful. Casual bitching is okay as long as you don’t hurt someone’s sentiments.”


Akash Narula, a Call Centre employee voices, “It is crucial to bitch about bosses and even girlfriends when they are giving you a hard time. It comes across as a natural way of bonding with people who are on the same boat. It not only gives you an opportunity to vent out your frustration, which you couldn’t have otherwise. Besides, you know that there is a mutual understanding as long as you are not letting anyone down.”

It is alright to bitch sometimes, but not all the time. The fine art of bitching lies in understanding the difference between the two situations. It is never appropriate to bitch in front of family members, more so in front of children. Imagine the sentiments of your daughter’s friend who has won a scholarship when you ask her, “Do your parents know the Dean?” or comparing your husband’s female office colleague in front of your child. If someone tells you something derogatory about a mutual do not make it a point to pass it on as soon as you lay your hands on the keyboard or your cell-phone. Do not forward critical emails and never rank or compare your friends. That is outright childish and reflects poorly on your personality too. Imagine your friends losing trust in you. Never compare your boyfriend/girlfriend or beau with those of others. Importantly, never share your conversations with your dear ones with others. Why should you? Aren’t personal talks between a couple supposed to kept private?

You do have a right to be bitter or express your opinion strongly. However, that does not give you the right to go around inflicting hurt on others. The world is too full with annoying things. It is naive to bitch about them. Starving children, Government measures, AIDS, US Policies, the Iraq war, Melting ice caps and global warming, the plight of the tigers, the delusion of our political leaders and the terrible holocaust facing mankind – what possible good can you do by bitching about these issues? Discussing them is interesting as an abstract exercise of elocution, but it is rather a waste of energy to bitch about them, and not very entertaining either.

Says Vishal Khurana, IT professional, “back in our college days we had a professor who was, shall I say unpopular. My class-mates and I used to complain ceaselessly about him. We actually got to a point where every discussion, every cafeteria meet or day-out would begin with at least a fifteen minute bitching session about him. We whined about his attitude, his meddling, even his dressing sense. But did we ever tell him? No! While we were bitching about him, he went on being himself and nothing really changed because none of actually went and spoke to him about our concerns. That might have made sense.”

Chronic complaining or bitching can be downright toxic and can make the entire environment a terrible place to be at and work. It pulls off the motivation and happiness and saps the creativity and ability to work alongside others in a fun environment. It makes matters worse. When people bitch, they only tend to focus on the negatives – the problems, issues, annoyances and the people they wrongly perceive.

Bitching can develop into a malicious habit. The more you bitch, the worse a situation gets. In the end you lose friends, every co-worker appears to be a buffoon and nothing around you seems good. Besides, the more you focus on the downs, the harder it becomes for you to concentrate on the ups. You tend to become biased for you only perceive information that suits your prior beliefs. You start believing that you have a control over everything and everyone around you, which again can be extremely detrimental to your own persona.


Bitching makes people downhearted. Your own constant complaints added to the stories you keep hearing destroys all hope that things are and can get better. You become less likely to mend or improve a situation or take action to help someone because you already have a pre-conceived notion that the scenario or the person is already doomed. You become less appreciative, critical and doubtful of others’ abilities. The most dangerous effect of bitching is that it demolishes innovation. Because everything seems so hopeless, people tend to lack creativity. Also, chronic complainers are the first to turn down any new ideas.

Moreover, bitching and constant complaining only attracts negative company of fellow-complainers. It thus promotes bad relationships. Constant complainers unite together but the cornerstones of such relationships are mostly negative experiences and unhealthy mind-sets.

The art of not taking things personally or to heart is a task in itself. Especially when you know that you are the person being bitched about. You must understand that when someone is actually bitching, their aggression might not really be for you. You just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time by a coincidence of mischance when this person wanted to lash out his/her feelings about something just in order to feel more content and strong.

The solution to the problem of constant malicious bitching is simple. If you perceive a problem, do something about it. Pessimism is bad for your health. If you must complain, you must learn to complain constructively, with a target of finding a solution to whatever is not to your liking. Being positive and appreciative will only make you more open towards other people – no matter who they are. Bitching, on the contrary will only alienate you from the social circle. Finally, you can train your own mental faculty to be positive and look at the brighter side of things and people. Just like complaining can become a habit, so can being appreciative, optimistic and nice! The latter will surely win you better friends and stronger bonds.

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I Have Arrived!

Money, name, fame, power, influence and recognition – these may be the hymn words for many who judge ‘success’ according to these parameters. But for a few the concept of happiness is the ‘be all and end all’ factor that defines success. Let's delve into the psyche of commoners and aim at deriving an answer to the ever elusive question that has perplexed mankind since the day he was tagged as a ‘social animal’ – what is success?

In certain South American tribes, when a young man comes of age, he has to prove his manhood in a sacrament that expects him to jump off a tall tree in order to prove his manhood. Although a bit apprehensive before the jump, when he eventually performs the rite, his heart swells with pride, for he is now a successful man, ready to take on life with the rest of his tribe.

Success has many forms. Some consider amassing heaps of wealth as an indicator of success while others believe that it lies in finding ultimate happiness in life. To this the former lot argues that since money rules the world, without the moolah, there is no happiness either. Since time bygone, people have associated ‘affordability’ as a gauge of success. However, for some success lies in being content and at peace with oneself.

Another point that baffles the mind is the fact that success is short-lived. One may scale the heights of success today but taste the dust tomorrow! So, who really decides when has success been achieved up to the optimum? And is there really any optimum to this concept? When we look at movie-stars, or sports-stars, business men or youth idols, we believe that they are people of some worth; that ‘they have arrived’ in life. The facade makes us totally ignorant of the fact that their personal lives may be an utter disaster. Will it still be right to say that these people are winners? Have they achieved all that they could, and by all means, out of their lives; that they have not only lived but also battled life till the last breath and also partaken of its last dregs? In other words, is their life now totally futile? Does life become a mere sham once you have arrived? Or is name, fame and acclaim all but a mind-game?

Who could give more valuable insights into the concept than the ones who have, as per their own parameters, arrived in life and those who are still in its pursuit? Here are a few excerpts.

I have arrived

Shreeja Mathur, home-maker, “Though I am not working, but being able to live happily with my husband who supports me and two lovely children to look after and adore, I feel my life is pretty balanced and complete. My husband has a stable job, a salary every month and he takes good care of the family. I am in charge of running the household smoothly and making sure that there is comfort and support for all. We share our happiness as well as our woes together. It is one happy family under a roof. This to me is success.

Prakash Khanna, businessman, “If you ask me, what is the most important thing in life, I wouldn’t think twice before answering ‘money’. Just because a bank, a car dealer or even a family member tells you that you can handle everything on your plate, doesn't necessarily mean that you can. You have to know your capabilities as well as your limitations and to handle everything, you need money. I have enough that will keep me going quite comfortably in this lifetime. I don’t need to feel ashamed to say that I can afford a house worth a couple of crores. I have earned it and I am proud of accomplishing it. And if I can do better than providing a roof over my family’s head, clothes on their backs and three meals a day, why shouldn’t I? Especially given the economic times we are finding ourselves in right now.

Varun Saigal, college student, “While I think I am successful, the actual credit goes to my dad. I have no qualms about being brought-up in luxury. I love my lifestyle, especially my cars with customized number plates on them. Wherever I go, people make a note of my presence. My friends and I hang out at the best of places. Going to exotic locations is no big deal for my family; my dad has earned so much money! Do you think I would be flaunting branded clothes, branded accessories, these super cars if I had no money? No way! But it’s not my fault that I have them. I could do without doing anything in life but frankly I haven’t given that a serious thought either. May be I’ll go for an MBA abroad and come back and join my dad’s business. Let’s see. But for now, for what I am, I feel like a winner.

Success is a dynamic concept. While for Shreeja and Prakash, success is defined by the realization of dreams and goals in life, vis-à-vis also finding contentment in one’s accomplishments, Varun believes that he is a winner because he can get anything he lays his eyes on. None of them are wrong. Success to some may be the ability to support themselves, share their lives with someone, have a happy social life and typically have everything well spaced-out and balanced.

Says Saraswathy Vishwanathan, Teacher, “the ability to cope with one’s life is another factor that determines success. A life well-spent is a meaningful life. A person who is happy, satisfied with life, and effectively balances his social ties and work obligations, is a successful person to me. People need not be very rich. As long as they are able to sustain their daily living, and family expenses, and loving what they do, even if their daily life might appear as a drudgery, and have meaning in their life, they are winners.

It is difficult to gauge the success quotient of an individual. As Freud said, ‘every individual is unique’, we must understand that the dreams of different people are also unique and different. Everybody is gifted with a certain potential to harness their capabilities and realize their dreams. True success can be achieved only when every individual learns to be independent, provides for himself and depend and rely on himself. This does not mean that if you lose your job today, you are a loser or unsuccessful. Instead, realize that this temporary break from your ‘successful life’ has provided you with a chance to explore better opportunities, and once this realization dawns, get back to life with new zeal. That is ‘having arrived’ in the truest sense of the term.

In Pursuit of Success

Akshara Shivhare, model and actor: “My journey in life is not complete yet. I have not reached the successful stage of my life yet. According to me, name, fame and acclaim are the benchmarks of a successful life and since I am still at the initial stage of my career, I have a long way to go before I can call myself successful.”

Amandeep Singh, Senior Manager: “Given my age you would typically want me to acknowledge that I have arrived in life. But for me, it is rather complex. On one hand I do have most of the things I had planned for myself ten years ago but on the other, I also know that it is a long journey. The societal scenarios are changing. What seems to suffice today may be insufficient tomorrow. And that is directly proportional to one’s mental and psychological condition. So the strife continues. There is no negating the fact that our material needs are related to our spiritual satisfaction. But the scales are always heavier on one side. And I am no ascetic (laughs)! As long as I endeavor to keep the scales balanced, I can only say that I am trying, but haven’t really got there.”

So it is right to assume that whatever your argument about success is, you should own it completely. You should not allow the society, your friends or even your near and dear ones barge in and say that you are not a success. In present times, we have all fallen prey to ‘keeping up with the neighbors’ syndrome and the competition makes life really, really sad and weary. Success to some may come in the form of simply being able to wake up with that special someone one day or putting their children to sleep with a lullaby and a kiss. To some others, success might come in the disguise of having graduated or getting a job To still others, success could mean the biggest house in the posh, uptown locality, flanked by high walls and housing more cars than the number of residents.

To dream big is wonderful provided you are always careful of not biting off more than you can chew. Frankly, there is no harm in being able to flaunt nice things or brag about certain accomplishments, but the reality is that there are certain limitations on anything that we would like to do. Success, like many things in life, is a choice. With that said, if you have made your choices and you live through them successfully, there is no denying the fact that ‘you have arrived’.

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Single and Successful!

Are we prepared to shed the garb of prejudiced clichés that concern our relationship status and warmed-up to accept ‘being single’ as an alternative way of life? get set to delve into your persona to discover essential truths about your socio-romantic liaisons.

What really are the perks of having someone in your life if most of your needs are being met? Answer the following questions to find out whether you really need someone to tag along by your side or are you just as happy being single:

• Do you feel lonely?
• Do you need someone to help you take decisions?
• Are you comfortable attending social do’s as a single person?
• Do you see being single as an acceptable alternative lifestyle?
• Do you feel complete or are you in constant search for your ‘other missing’ half?
• Are you spending enough time planning your personal growth rather than seeking a relationship?
• Do you look at your friends as people who you can and love to be with rather than as potential love interests?

There is a thin but temptingly overpowering line that divides singleness from being in a relationship. Let’s face it, we are always in constant need of a companion – someone we can talk to, go to the movies together, have dinner with or possibly someone who knows us even better than we know ourselves. All of us want that and resign ourselves to thinking that our life is incomplete without that ‘special someone’. But on the other hand, as greedy as human expectations can get, somewhere at the back of our minds, we also crave for that iota of independence, a self-crafted cocoon where we can be whoever we like, do whatever we like and be answerable to nobody for our thoughts or actions.

This leaves us at a cross-road – is it okay to be single? Do I really need someone in my life? Now is the time for some introspection about why it’s perfectly okay to be single. Good news is that it is none other than the multitudes of couples in our society who have brought about many changes in attitude towards being single. (Remember, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence?).The societal point of view is undergoing a transformation. We are opening up to accepting individual differences revolving around our relationship status so much so that ‘being single’ is gradually becoming an acceptable alternative in our very own Indian society.

Glad to be single!

Most single people we are acquainted with are wonderful people – beautiful, intelligent, stable and really nice human beings. They are not in a conscious pursuit of a relationship. However, they do not bar themselves from considering a ‘someone special’ coming along their way. But if such a situation never presents itself before them, they are not bogged down or demoralized. They are good with everything, be it work, having fun with friends or taking care of themselves.

Singleness can be one of the most prolific stages of your life, i.e. if you are mentally and emotionally prepared for it. Sour wounds from bygone liaisons heal faster and your self-created discriminations gradually dissipate to allow a stronger and bolder person to emerge. Singleness is a time to accentuate your personal growth. It facilitates the building up of confidence in yourself so you can experience and enjoy being who you are rather than being lonely. Living as a single person is a self-proclaimed avowal of strength and self esteem and not an embarrassing acceptance of failure.

The irony resides in the fact that most of us do not know the importance of being single till we are either married or in a relationship. It seems that people have been paired up to be together even back in the beginning of time. Whether or not it is out of an evolutionary process or simply for human companionship, people are meant to spend their life with someone. We move from a parental environment to a marital environment. As crude as it may sound we do not reason in favour of being single; we never question the myth of a marriage ‘lived happily ever after’.

Singleness furnishes the opportunity to become a responsible adult. Because the roles we act out in our relationships are so closely related to our internal attitudes and feelings, we undergo a change inside in keeping with our external roles. Singleness stage is a key period to make the internal changes in attitudes and feelings necessary for personal growth.

To be or not to be in a relationship?

Let’s take dating or courtship period as an example. 23 years old Nisha Bhagnani, a student and single says, “Why get married? I can come and go as I please. I don't have to adjust my daily living habits to suit the ways of another person. Being single sure feels good!"

In another scenario, Pravin Arora, who recently broke up with his girlfriend after three years of being together fears, "Forget time, money and energy, a break-up makes you realize that you have lost a part of yourself with the relationship. Sometimes I do wonder whether I need another love relationship to grow over my ex, or I should be cautious so that I don’t burn my fingers again!”

“The irony resides in the fact that most of us do not know the importance of being single till we are either married or in a relationship. It seems that people have been paired up to be together even back in the beginning of time. Whether or not it is out of an evolutionary process or simply for human companionship, people are meant to spend their life with someone.”

Prior to the singleness stage (never been in a relationship), one may be looking for the ‘lost half’. But during this stage one reaches the point of comfort in going out alone. No longer is a ‘date’ to enjoy the simple pleasures that life has to offer. Moreover, the quality of relationships improves; now you choose the person you want to hang out and spend time with rather than being dragged by your partner to places you don’t want to be in the first place. ‘Sharing’ takes over ‘needing’ and other people can be enjoyed for who they are and not compared with or judged as potential life partners. So far you have been doing things that your partner has wanted you to do. But being single, you find time to develop new interests, or to pursue something you may have wanted to do for a long time. It might be to learn to play the guitar, to paint, to drive a car, or to play a new sport. You learn to see the real world better. You learn to know yourself better. You understand people and your interactions with them much better. Your viewpoint of life is much broader and you remove your blinkers to understand concepts you never understood!

Is being single easy?

Being single is not really a cake-walk! Single people may not fare well economically. Some, especially women, are passed over for promotions because they are single and fair game romantically or even sexually. It often takes a great deal of inner security to handle the singleness stage successfully. If you have worked your way through the stage, it is likely that you will experience the peacefulness and calmness of the singleness stage. You may get slightly upset about the attitudes of others, but you'll be strong enough to handle them. Learn from the external prejudices and use them to become more secure in your own internal feelings.

The concerns of a single parent

As a single parent, you may face difficulties bringing up your child in the Indian context. You may be charged with remarks like “your child is not receiving proper parenting, hence she fairs poorly at school”. You might feel angry, vulnerable and even defenseless. But you can be assertive about such common show-downs and discrimination and instead help to educate others while maintaining your own integrity. Remember, a firm response to such discrimination will definitely make you feel better inside and boost your confidence rather than staying quiet or fuming away!

Singleness can be an important building block for children too. They learn to be single and and independent and at the same time having a clear opinion about things. They also understand the importance of relationships better and have much better chances of entering into healthy successful relationships in their future.

Single and ready to mingle!

What happens when it seems that you may be getting involved again? It is natural to be apprehensive when someone comes along, again, and wants to be a part of your life. While you may have realized the fact that you are fine being alone, thanks to your ‘single being the new relationship’ discovery, you can handle things if they don’t go your way, much better this time.

It may not sound like a very romantic idea, but it sure is quite optimistic! The optimism resides in the fact that you are buckled up to go back to being yourself if things don’t work out. Believe that you were a whole person before the opportunity of a relationship came knocking. Rest assured, if you have the attitude of not making that ‘special someone’ the solution to all your problems but an asset to your life, the relationship can be really stronger. Take a risk so you can have all that life offers! There’s no reason we can’t have it all!

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Is Your Spouse A Professional Rival?

Is it good for a husband and his wife to be in the same profession? Or are couples better off pursuing their different career interests? Let's dive into the nitty-gritty of successful marital lives to evaluate whether the grass is really greener on the other side.

Questions such as this are not exhausted with a yes or a no answer. It really depends on what the parties want for themselves individually and together. Falling in love, staying in love and making a marriage work out transcends these mundane arguments. You and your partner being lawyers or engineers is really a trivial concern. As long as your spouse is interesting, exciting, caring, loving, considerate and above all a ‘family-person’, it's all good, really.

While some may believe that being in the same profession bolsters the bonding between couples, reinforces an understanding towards each others’ work ethics and commitments and also takes the professional pressure off their back, others believe that such a situation may lead to unhealthy rivalry and competition between the couple. Such a situation will only worsen with time; beginning with hurting each other’s ego, it might become as colossal as leading to a separation.

Remarks Priyamvada Singh, a lawyer by profession: “Initially I thought it would be interesting to marry a legal practitioner since we shared a common passion – our career .But once it so happened that we were involved in the same case. He was to defend his client while I was the government lawyer. The case took a toll on our family life since we were fighting against each other. During those days we would talk each-other to death and keep arguing forever! Our marriage was actually in distress!”

In another recent case, Rajat and Mansi Agarwal, both working in the advertising industry, fell prey to recession and were shown the pink slip. Under such an unfortunate circumstance we are pushed to believe that if an adverse economic or socio-political climate affects a particular profession negatively, the family can still manage to sail through with the other profession. Importantly, seldom does your partner know about better prospects apart from your current similar vocation. This may lead both of you to a severe financial crunch, besides wrecking your mental peace.

It is unwise for a husband and his wife to take up similar careers. For one, it is rare that a husband and a wife handle the same case similarly. There lies an inherent ‘conflict of interest’ in their points of view about things. One making a steady progress might upset the other and create undesirable pressure. Imagine a situation whereby a wife gets promoted while her husband is professionally still her subordinate. A worst case scenario could be the couple working in the same organization and the nature of duties requiring one to report to the other. And if the wife happens to be the rude type, at the slightest provocation, which most women are typically extremely vulnerable to, she would not hesitate in reminding the husband of his place in the professional scheme of things. Knowing how high a man holds his ego, such a situation will not only bring about the ruin of his professional stability but also devastate his self-esteem.

There are bigger tribulations than these. A person well-educated about the work ethics of a particular profession might even doubt the integrity of his partner. Careers involving late-nights, free interaction with the opposite sex, the liberty to dress casually and comprising nonchalant attitude towards work, are not taken well (forget valued) by most Indian partners – men or women. What would you in the face of such concerns? Would you rather destroy your home because of your work?

Then there’s a different group that spots no problems in couples being in the same profession. According to them the responsibility falls back on both partners to find fun and excitement, and convenience of being in the same profession. Open old albums and you’re sure to pin-point at least a few couples who met in the same workplace, even families whereby parents and children have taken up similar careers. Businessman marries businessman and an actor marries and actor. There’s nothing wrong in that!

Pratyush Kaul, a theatre actor, says “being together with my wife who is also a theatre artist has helped me a lot. We have that wavelength and understanding between us. We have seen the pitfalls of success and failure together. An actor's life is very insecure. There is a lot of demand on each other. And only an actor can understand what the other is going through. We discuss our work together and let out our frustrations which could vary from troubling co-actors to professional inconveniences."

A lot depends upon the profession you are in. Some people love talking to their partners about projects, interests, ideas, concepts without ever feeling that it would get too much and too monotonous. What might appear as jargon to the rest of the world might mean understanding and being at the same wavelength to them. In such a condition, both partners learn to respect and value each other’s knowledge, experience and values. The only major issue that might crop-up is that they take their arguments to work and it affects their professional performance. All other trivial issues can be resolved by open-minded and clear thinking by loving partners.


Interestingly, the very reasons which alienate couples from each other, act as a bonding factor for couples in the same profession. For one, your partner knows the tricks of the trade along with its pros and cons. As much as you can’t hide anything from him, you can rest assured that he or she, owning to her industry experience, will come to your aid when the situation arises. This also diminishes the scope of doubt between partners. No more are regular tours or late nights an issue because you can see your feet fitting perfectly in your partner’s shoes! Importantly, couples with same careers know that their work is as important as their partners’. They also know their limits and boundaries. This makes way for the three most essential elements that comprise a successful relationship – trust, independence and understanding.

Recently married Abhay and Preety Kumar enjoy belonging to this category. Says Abhay, “I'm an entrepreneur and so is my wife. I make documentary films and she edits them. We enjoy working together as a team, perhaps because we are a couple. We know each other as individuals and from time to time appreciate and criticize each other’s work too. But the best thing is the criticism generates from our knowledge of what can make each other better as professionals as well as human beings.”


To this Preety adds, “Erratic schedules, things getting delayed, round-the-clock work…and also the profit, he knows about the perks of being an entrepreneur and at the same time the negatives too. As my husband he is the best person to advice me to do the right thing. Of course the love of profit is also another thing that unites us! A family with two entrepreneurs is truly exciting!”
Being in the same profession does not affect time spent with the children any more than being in a different demanding job. There are people who are in the same profession and make great couples.

In fact, they are all around us – doctors, lawyers, teachers, bankers. Almost any doctor you visit, chances are his or her husband or wife is a doctor too! They are happily married and doing great.

However, similar profession could be tasking too. For instance, as doctors both partners might have to make themselves available for round the clock calls. The same holds true for actors, film makers and media professionals. If such scenarios become a regular affair, they either lead to negative implications on married life or compromise by either of the partners. Matters may take a bad turn when a partner starts out-spacing the other. If the couple is mature and do not view each other as rivals, they may find it easier to communicate and sort their problems.

While being in the same profession may make you feel that there is nothing new to discover in a person and that your conversations with your spouse revolve around professional matters only. Chances are, there may be clashes over professional points of view, ego problems and even arguments about who is right and who is wrong. There might also be a dimension of financial insecurity involved since both partners will be equally hit by an economical crisis. But then, there are paybacks too!

A partner is an asset, not a business rival. Relationships are formed when we meet like-minded people. The profession part of it may take a back-seat if partners are well tuned to each other, are understanding, non-interfering and know how to draw a line between the ‘professional and the ‘personal’. Whether or not he or she is more successful or earns more than you, what is more important is that both of you share a common vision of a successful family life while also maintaining similar philosophy and mission objective about your professional graph.

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Save My Date

Be it friends, friends of friends or a “hello stranger!” from the other side of the screen that defines your virtual world – in the parlance of social networking, dating is perhaps the very next step post acquaintance. Here are a few tips on how to make that first impression long-lasting!

Thousands of men and women go on dates everyday. Phone numbers and chat ids are exchanged in a jiffy and before you even get to know your ‘date’ (who might turn out to be a miscreant or a stalker) you’re already wondering whether a cool blue or a sexy black outfit will strike that first impression! Meeting for coffee, watching a flick, hanging out in malls, going to an amusement park or simply dining out are just a few examples of what they do on a date. And then there are people on the look-out for suitable life-partners who belong to an entirely different breed of daters. While for a few, dating might not be a ‘big deal’ (I am the way I am!), there are dozens others who don’t think twice before changing their ‘avatars’ and undergoing a transformation into something (no pun intended) that is definitely not them. What they do forget is that in doing so, they are not only portraying themselves as someone else but also under estimating their own innate capabilities and qualities as individuals.

Dating isn’t bad! After all it allows us to make room for someone new in our life, who may become a friend, a soul mate or even a guide in a short span or the long run. But the apprehensions remain – will she like me? Will he notice that I am flabby? Will she be a snob? Will he turn me down? Therefore, to help you strike the right cord with this new entry in your life, we have a quick checklist for you to flip through and hit it at go!

Be Yourself: Act naturally, although leaving a good impression gets the better of most people. It is important for your date to like the real you. It is okay to be who you are. Any pretension might lead to your date turning you down and there wouldn’t be any succeeding dates between the two of you anyway!

Time matters: Don't be early and don’t be too late too. While the former might portray you as a ‘desperado’, being late will reflect your lack of interest in your date. Be keen and be on time to show that you care about the other person’s time and have made a genuine effort for your date to be a success.

Keep your ears open: Being a good listener is very, very important. Give your date the chance to talk. Listening to your date will show that you care for what he or she has to talk about. That will make a great impression. Plus, it will help you know your date better.

Have a talk: Seriously now, “you say something… no you say something” is really old fashioned. It’s funny to see two daters sitting across the table, silently sipping coffee and noticing other people notice them. Start off easy. Initiate a conversation – talk about yourself, your likes, dislikes, etc. You do not want to step on unknown territory. Do not start excavating history, especially your past (broken) relationships. It instantly draws a comparison between your earlier partner and your date, and is a big turn-off! Don't be too negative about anything. Have a positive, friendly attitude. Don't wear your heart on your sleeve; a little bit of mystery will keep your date keen. People typically love an intelligent individual. Believe it or not, the level of intelligence in a conversation potentially has the same weight as the level of physical attraction; it all depends on how smooth the situation goes. Make it worthwhile!

Don’t be a brick. Have fun: A person may go on a date for various reasons. But whatever they may be, it is very important for that person to feel comfortable and have a great time in your company. Whether you choose to go to the theatre or catch up for lunch, as long as you’re having fun spending time with each other, everything will go well.

Don’t shy from looking into the eye: Whether your date is a success or not depends on eye contact. Let your date feel that your eyes are set only on him or her. It will reflect your interest in the person and what he or she has to say. It is also a great boost for your date which will quite spontaneously add a zing of comfortable attraction.

Study your date: It is very important to study a stranger you are meeting. This will reveal many useful things, including the fact whether this person is your type or not in the first place. Having studied your date you are ready to initiate a conversation of interest. You know whether your date is serious, humourous or of a platonic type. Depending upon your study, you can try to hit it big and make your conversation useful.

Compliment: Appreciation is another positive way of welcoming a person in your life, whatever is the span of time. People don’t want to hear negative things about themselves, that too from an almost complete stranger, anyway! Give compliments on appearance, fashion, hair-style, sense of humour, intelligence, special abilities, attitude…the list doesn’t end (either for the girls or the guys). Make the person feel special and your date will be a sure-shot success.

Relax baby! : Be at ease in each other’s company as much as possible. Try to find positive things in your date rather than making a note of the negatives. Laugh at each other’s jokes (however, forced laughter is a strict ‘no-no’ as it is more of a mockery of the other person. Allow some chemistry to happen (don’t wait for it to happen). Laughing strengthens your bond and breaks the ice too! And please, don’t look bored!

Last but not the least, some personal-grooming tips:
Presentation – No matter how you look, feel good about yourself. That will unleash a lot of confidence and make you feel good too. Try to work on everything as much as possible – clean nails, well-brushed hair, even the right perfume. Don’t go overboard. Presenting yourself well is not restricted to flamboyant attire and birthday-cake make-up. Do your bit without masking the real you. Good presentation gives your date the idea that you care about the meeting, and that, makes all the difference.

Now you know how to call it a day with a smile on a date! Of course, it all depends on your definition of "success." Be yourself! Remember you're both in the same situation; you are perfect strangers and you both are in need of a break. This is why you're out on a date, right? But for the sake of basics, make a successful date by simply making yourself feel confident for a second one.

And you can take on from there!

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Freelancers Do Not Work ‘For Free’

‘Tact’, my colleague, is the only way,
For a freelancer to get his promised fee.
Predictably so, I learnt it the hard way,
In pompous Delhi thus happened the epiphany.

Dream-makers was the company’s name,
A ‘big-tag’, hot-shot media house,
They made you toil your rear off,
And treated you like a puny mouse.

Interns would flock there like cattle,
Just to get a working chance,
The boss bossed around like a grand Turk all day,
Around him succumbing employees would dance.

My naivety came paired with a Master’s degree,
And a humble prior work-experience record too,
As a script writer at Dream-makers I would get,
Per month, ten grands into two.

Of course there were no written-contracts,
Ridiculous! Are you out of your mind?
A rookie freelancer demanding such legal formalities,
Must bid adieu to the project and step behind.

So I trudge for three new moons,
Work on three top-line lifestyle shows,
On the much-awaited pay-day,
A horde of excuses, my producer throws:

“We didn’t use your scripts.”
“The channel’s not paying up too.”
“The TRP’s are at an all-time low.”
“Plagiarize from other sources, did you?”

The string of excuses were abundant,
The boss was either busy, ill or away,
Dozens of rounds between Palam Vihar and Panchsheel,
Yet no sign of receiving my due pay!

I wrote many emails,
In scorn and desperation,
The matter kept getting delayed,
For a ‘sine-die’ duration.

“Nothing unusual!”, my friends said,
While I felt cheated, deluded and deprived,
I was a fool to not have a written contract,
My hard earned money was to me denied.

I conceived of ideas to sue them,
Made points to win the case,
I would defame Dream-makers, I resolved,
And get my payment with grace.

In another week, I disowned that idea too.
And settled with my doomed destiny,
Mom had warned, “Media is a dirty swindle”,
Perhaps, this was how things were meant to be!

It’s been three years since the episode,
And I’ve seen those shows on TV,
Dream-Makers here become Dream-breakers,
Just another side of the much-hyped media industry!

Thank God, I went through that grind!
For life slapped me with a much-needed lesson,
Do not get bedazzled by all that jazz of the business,
As a freelancer follow the ethics of your profession.

You would be made to toil as much as anyone else,
Why get beguiled by tricky smiles and balmy words?
Remember – it is not your daddy’s business,
So, play by the rulebook in this theatre of absurds.

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