We bitch to bond and bitch to wound. Some of us even view it as a catharsis that leads to a release from the pressures of work, relationships or life in general. At its best, bitching can be profoundly entertaining when we banter as equals. It can be witty, rude, or even confusing. From college mates to office colleagues, neighbors to strangers, everyone indulges in bitching once in a while (and your conception of this being a privy privilege of the fairer sex is a gross misunderstanding). Let's look at the lighter side of things that may on the surface seem clever or gossipy but may turn out to be a malicious habit.
In old times there were court jesters who used to entertain the royalty with funny, sometimes scandalous pieces of information; the modern times have their replicas in the form of friends, bored neighborhood aunties and even household assistants who do their due. There’s witty bitching, more commonly known to us as best-seller satires and a gamut of people, known or unknown who dare to wound face-to-face.
We bitch when things get complicated or just for the heck of it. We mostly bitch behind people’s backs when we find that happenings in their life are far more interesting than those in ours. We compare our partners and friends, talk about people’s attires, or the way they walk, talk or even work. There is rarely a sense of guilt involved, less so a sense of enquiry as to why we bitch in the first place. Truth is, we bitch in order to boost our ego and elevate our image, be a part of and popular in a group and develop a circle of like-minded people seeking improprieties in others’ behavior in order to hide their own shortcomings.
Clever bitching is considered thrilling by some who think that it allows them to distinguish themselves and show others that they really do not really care. People bitch to prove their dare and expose truths, which good manners dictate they shouldn’t reveal. They tend to forget that at its worse, bitching can be really hurtful. The irony is the line between wit and cruelty is so thin, it is almost invisible.
Says Pooja Singh, corporate executive, “I do bitch quite often, most of the times pretty unconsciously. It’s alright to bitch if I have a bad day or I feel powerless or inept in front of bosses, traffic officers and even my fellow bank colleagues. However, I make it a point to not cross my line and get outright rude or hurtful. Casual bitching is okay as long as you don’t hurt someone’s sentiments.”
Akash Narula, a Call Centre employee voices, “It is crucial to bitch about bosses and even girlfriends when they are giving you a hard time. It comes across as a natural way of bonding with people who are on the same boat. It not only gives you an opportunity to vent out your frustration, which you couldn’t have otherwise. Besides, you know that there is a mutual understanding as long as you are not letting anyone down.”
It is alright to bitch sometimes, but not all the time. The fine art of bitching lies in understanding the difference between the two situations. It is never appropriate to bitch in front of family members, more so in front of children. Imagine the sentiments of your daughter’s friend who has won a scholarship when you ask her, “Do your parents know the Dean?” or comparing your husband’s female office colleague in front of your child. If someone tells you something derogatory about a mutual do not make it a point to pass it on as soon as you lay your hands on the keyboard or your cell-phone. Do not forward critical emails and never rank or compare your friends. That is outright childish and reflects poorly on your personality too. Imagine your friends losing trust in you. Never compare your boyfriend/girlfriend or beau with those of others. Importantly, never share your conversations with your dear ones with others. Why should you? Aren’t personal talks between a couple supposed to kept private?
You do have a right to be bitter or express your opinion strongly. However, that does not give you the right to go around inflicting hurt on others. The world is too full with annoying things. It is naive to bitch about them. Starving children, Government measures, AIDS, US Policies, the Iraq war, Melting ice caps and global warming, the plight of the tigers, the delusion of our political leaders and the terrible holocaust facing mankind – what possible good can you do by bitching about these issues? Discussing them is interesting as an abstract exercise of elocution, but it is rather a waste of energy to bitch about them, and not very entertaining either.
Says Vishal Khurana, IT professional, “back in our college days we had a professor who was, shall I say unpopular. My class-mates and I used to complain ceaselessly about him. We actually got to a point where every discussion, every cafeteria meet or day-out would begin with at least a fifteen minute bitching session about him. We whined about his attitude, his meddling, even his dressing sense. But did we ever tell him? No! While we were bitching about him, he went on being himself and nothing really changed because none of actually went and spoke to him about our concerns. That might have made sense.”
Chronic complaining or bitching can be downright toxic and can make the entire environment a terrible place to be at and work. It pulls off the motivation and happiness and saps the creativity and ability to work alongside others in a fun environment. It makes matters worse. When people bitch, they only tend to focus on the negatives – the problems, issues, annoyances and the people they wrongly perceive.
Bitching can develop into a malicious habit. The more you bitch, the worse a situation gets. In the end you lose friends, every co-worker appears to be a buffoon and nothing around you seems good. Besides, the more you focus on the downs, the harder it becomes for you to concentrate on the ups. You tend to become biased for you only perceive information that suits your prior beliefs. You start believing that you have a control over everything and everyone around you, which again can be extremely detrimental to your own persona.
Bitching makes people downhearted. Your own constant complaints added to the stories you keep hearing destroys all hope that things are and can get better. You become less likely to mend or improve a situation or take action to help someone because you already have a pre-conceived notion that the scenario or the person is already doomed. You become less appreciative, critical and doubtful of others’ abilities. The most dangerous effect of bitching is that it demolishes innovation. Because everything seems so hopeless, people tend to lack creativity. Also, chronic complainers are the first to turn down any new ideas.
Moreover, bitching and constant complaining only attracts negative company of fellow-complainers. It thus promotes bad relationships. Constant complainers unite together but the cornerstones of such relationships are mostly negative experiences and unhealthy mind-sets.
The art of not taking things personally or to heart is a task in itself. Especially when you know that you are the person being bitched about. You must understand that when someone is actually bitching, their aggression might not really be for you. You just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time by a coincidence of mischance when this person wanted to lash out his/her feelings about something just in order to feel more content and strong.
The solution to the problem of constant malicious bitching is simple. If you perceive a problem, do something about it. Pessimism is bad for your health. If you must complain, you must learn to complain constructively, with a target of finding a solution to whatever is not to your liking. Being positive and appreciative will only make you more open towards other people – no matter who they are. Bitching, on the contrary will only alienate you from the social circle. Finally, you can train your own mental faculty to be positive and look at the brighter side of things and people. Just like complaining can become a habit, so can being appreciative, optimistic and nice! The latter will surely win you better friends and stronger bonds.
In old times there were court jesters who used to entertain the royalty with funny, sometimes scandalous pieces of information; the modern times have their replicas in the form of friends, bored neighborhood aunties and even household assistants who do their due. There’s witty bitching, more commonly known to us as best-seller satires and a gamut of people, known or unknown who dare to wound face-to-face.
We bitch when things get complicated or just for the heck of it. We mostly bitch behind people’s backs when we find that happenings in their life are far more interesting than those in ours. We compare our partners and friends, talk about people’s attires, or the way they walk, talk or even work. There is rarely a sense of guilt involved, less so a sense of enquiry as to why we bitch in the first place. Truth is, we bitch in order to boost our ego and elevate our image, be a part of and popular in a group and develop a circle of like-minded people seeking improprieties in others’ behavior in order to hide their own shortcomings.
Clever bitching is considered thrilling by some who think that it allows them to distinguish themselves and show others that they really do not really care. People bitch to prove their dare and expose truths, which good manners dictate they shouldn’t reveal. They tend to forget that at its worse, bitching can be really hurtful. The irony is the line between wit and cruelty is so thin, it is almost invisible.
Says Pooja Singh, corporate executive, “I do bitch quite often, most of the times pretty unconsciously. It’s alright to bitch if I have a bad day or I feel powerless or inept in front of bosses, traffic officers and even my fellow bank colleagues. However, I make it a point to not cross my line and get outright rude or hurtful. Casual bitching is okay as long as you don’t hurt someone’s sentiments.”
Akash Narula, a Call Centre employee voices, “It is crucial to bitch about bosses and even girlfriends when they are giving you a hard time. It comes across as a natural way of bonding with people who are on the same boat. It not only gives you an opportunity to vent out your frustration, which you couldn’t have otherwise. Besides, you know that there is a mutual understanding as long as you are not letting anyone down.”
It is alright to bitch sometimes, but not all the time. The fine art of bitching lies in understanding the difference between the two situations. It is never appropriate to bitch in front of family members, more so in front of children. Imagine the sentiments of your daughter’s friend who has won a scholarship when you ask her, “Do your parents know the Dean?” or comparing your husband’s female office colleague in front of your child. If someone tells you something derogatory about a mutual do not make it a point to pass it on as soon as you lay your hands on the keyboard or your cell-phone. Do not forward critical emails and never rank or compare your friends. That is outright childish and reflects poorly on your personality too. Imagine your friends losing trust in you. Never compare your boyfriend/girlfriend or beau with those of others. Importantly, never share your conversations with your dear ones with others. Why should you? Aren’t personal talks between a couple supposed to kept private?
You do have a right to be bitter or express your opinion strongly. However, that does not give you the right to go around inflicting hurt on others. The world is too full with annoying things. It is naive to bitch about them. Starving children, Government measures, AIDS, US Policies, the Iraq war, Melting ice caps and global warming, the plight of the tigers, the delusion of our political leaders and the terrible holocaust facing mankind – what possible good can you do by bitching about these issues? Discussing them is interesting as an abstract exercise of elocution, but it is rather a waste of energy to bitch about them, and not very entertaining either.
Says Vishal Khurana, IT professional, “back in our college days we had a professor who was, shall I say unpopular. My class-mates and I used to complain ceaselessly about him. We actually got to a point where every discussion, every cafeteria meet or day-out would begin with at least a fifteen minute bitching session about him. We whined about his attitude, his meddling, even his dressing sense. But did we ever tell him? No! While we were bitching about him, he went on being himself and nothing really changed because none of actually went and spoke to him about our concerns. That might have made sense.”
Chronic complaining or bitching can be downright toxic and can make the entire environment a terrible place to be at and work. It pulls off the motivation and happiness and saps the creativity and ability to work alongside others in a fun environment. It makes matters worse. When people bitch, they only tend to focus on the negatives – the problems, issues, annoyances and the people they wrongly perceive.
Bitching can develop into a malicious habit. The more you bitch, the worse a situation gets. In the end you lose friends, every co-worker appears to be a buffoon and nothing around you seems good. Besides, the more you focus on the downs, the harder it becomes for you to concentrate on the ups. You tend to become biased for you only perceive information that suits your prior beliefs. You start believing that you have a control over everything and everyone around you, which again can be extremely detrimental to your own persona.
Bitching makes people downhearted. Your own constant complaints added to the stories you keep hearing destroys all hope that things are and can get better. You become less likely to mend or improve a situation or take action to help someone because you already have a pre-conceived notion that the scenario or the person is already doomed. You become less appreciative, critical and doubtful of others’ abilities. The most dangerous effect of bitching is that it demolishes innovation. Because everything seems so hopeless, people tend to lack creativity. Also, chronic complainers are the first to turn down any new ideas.
Moreover, bitching and constant complaining only attracts negative company of fellow-complainers. It thus promotes bad relationships. Constant complainers unite together but the cornerstones of such relationships are mostly negative experiences and unhealthy mind-sets.
The art of not taking things personally or to heart is a task in itself. Especially when you know that you are the person being bitched about. You must understand that when someone is actually bitching, their aggression might not really be for you. You just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time by a coincidence of mischance when this person wanted to lash out his/her feelings about something just in order to feel more content and strong.
The solution to the problem of constant malicious bitching is simple. If you perceive a problem, do something about it. Pessimism is bad for your health. If you must complain, you must learn to complain constructively, with a target of finding a solution to whatever is not to your liking. Being positive and appreciative will only make you more open towards other people – no matter who they are. Bitching, on the contrary will only alienate you from the social circle. Finally, you can train your own mental faculty to be positive and look at the brighter side of things and people. Just like complaining can become a habit, so can being appreciative, optimistic and nice! The latter will surely win you better friends and stronger bonds.
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