Single and Successful!

Are we prepared to shed the garb of prejudiced clichés that concern our relationship status and warmed-up to accept ‘being single’ as an alternative way of life? get set to delve into your persona to discover essential truths about your socio-romantic liaisons.

What really are the perks of having someone in your life if most of your needs are being met? Answer the following questions to find out whether you really need someone to tag along by your side or are you just as happy being single:

• Do you feel lonely?
• Do you need someone to help you take decisions?
• Are you comfortable attending social do’s as a single person?
• Do you see being single as an acceptable alternative lifestyle?
• Do you feel complete or are you in constant search for your ‘other missing’ half?
• Are you spending enough time planning your personal growth rather than seeking a relationship?
• Do you look at your friends as people who you can and love to be with rather than as potential love interests?

There is a thin but temptingly overpowering line that divides singleness from being in a relationship. Let’s face it, we are always in constant need of a companion – someone we can talk to, go to the movies together, have dinner with or possibly someone who knows us even better than we know ourselves. All of us want that and resign ourselves to thinking that our life is incomplete without that ‘special someone’. But on the other hand, as greedy as human expectations can get, somewhere at the back of our minds, we also crave for that iota of independence, a self-crafted cocoon where we can be whoever we like, do whatever we like and be answerable to nobody for our thoughts or actions.

This leaves us at a cross-road – is it okay to be single? Do I really need someone in my life? Now is the time for some introspection about why it’s perfectly okay to be single. Good news is that it is none other than the multitudes of couples in our society who have brought about many changes in attitude towards being single. (Remember, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence?).The societal point of view is undergoing a transformation. We are opening up to accepting individual differences revolving around our relationship status so much so that ‘being single’ is gradually becoming an acceptable alternative in our very own Indian society.

Glad to be single!

Most single people we are acquainted with are wonderful people – beautiful, intelligent, stable and really nice human beings. They are not in a conscious pursuit of a relationship. However, they do not bar themselves from considering a ‘someone special’ coming along their way. But if such a situation never presents itself before them, they are not bogged down or demoralized. They are good with everything, be it work, having fun with friends or taking care of themselves.

Singleness can be one of the most prolific stages of your life, i.e. if you are mentally and emotionally prepared for it. Sour wounds from bygone liaisons heal faster and your self-created discriminations gradually dissipate to allow a stronger and bolder person to emerge. Singleness is a time to accentuate your personal growth. It facilitates the building up of confidence in yourself so you can experience and enjoy being who you are rather than being lonely. Living as a single person is a self-proclaimed avowal of strength and self esteem and not an embarrassing acceptance of failure.

The irony resides in the fact that most of us do not know the importance of being single till we are either married or in a relationship. It seems that people have been paired up to be together even back in the beginning of time. Whether or not it is out of an evolutionary process or simply for human companionship, people are meant to spend their life with someone. We move from a parental environment to a marital environment. As crude as it may sound we do not reason in favour of being single; we never question the myth of a marriage ‘lived happily ever after’.

Singleness furnishes the opportunity to become a responsible adult. Because the roles we act out in our relationships are so closely related to our internal attitudes and feelings, we undergo a change inside in keeping with our external roles. Singleness stage is a key period to make the internal changes in attitudes and feelings necessary for personal growth.

To be or not to be in a relationship?

Let’s take dating or courtship period as an example. 23 years old Nisha Bhagnani, a student and single says, “Why get married? I can come and go as I please. I don't have to adjust my daily living habits to suit the ways of another person. Being single sure feels good!"

In another scenario, Pravin Arora, who recently broke up with his girlfriend after three years of being together fears, "Forget time, money and energy, a break-up makes you realize that you have lost a part of yourself with the relationship. Sometimes I do wonder whether I need another love relationship to grow over my ex, or I should be cautious so that I don’t burn my fingers again!”

“The irony resides in the fact that most of us do not know the importance of being single till we are either married or in a relationship. It seems that people have been paired up to be together even back in the beginning of time. Whether or not it is out of an evolutionary process or simply for human companionship, people are meant to spend their life with someone.”

Prior to the singleness stage (never been in a relationship), one may be looking for the ‘lost half’. But during this stage one reaches the point of comfort in going out alone. No longer is a ‘date’ to enjoy the simple pleasures that life has to offer. Moreover, the quality of relationships improves; now you choose the person you want to hang out and spend time with rather than being dragged by your partner to places you don’t want to be in the first place. ‘Sharing’ takes over ‘needing’ and other people can be enjoyed for who they are and not compared with or judged as potential life partners. So far you have been doing things that your partner has wanted you to do. But being single, you find time to develop new interests, or to pursue something you may have wanted to do for a long time. It might be to learn to play the guitar, to paint, to drive a car, or to play a new sport. You learn to see the real world better. You learn to know yourself better. You understand people and your interactions with them much better. Your viewpoint of life is much broader and you remove your blinkers to understand concepts you never understood!

Is being single easy?

Being single is not really a cake-walk! Single people may not fare well economically. Some, especially women, are passed over for promotions because they are single and fair game romantically or even sexually. It often takes a great deal of inner security to handle the singleness stage successfully. If you have worked your way through the stage, it is likely that you will experience the peacefulness and calmness of the singleness stage. You may get slightly upset about the attitudes of others, but you'll be strong enough to handle them. Learn from the external prejudices and use them to become more secure in your own internal feelings.

The concerns of a single parent

As a single parent, you may face difficulties bringing up your child in the Indian context. You may be charged with remarks like “your child is not receiving proper parenting, hence she fairs poorly at school”. You might feel angry, vulnerable and even defenseless. But you can be assertive about such common show-downs and discrimination and instead help to educate others while maintaining your own integrity. Remember, a firm response to such discrimination will definitely make you feel better inside and boost your confidence rather than staying quiet or fuming away!

Singleness can be an important building block for children too. They learn to be single and and independent and at the same time having a clear opinion about things. They also understand the importance of relationships better and have much better chances of entering into healthy successful relationships in their future.

Single and ready to mingle!

What happens when it seems that you may be getting involved again? It is natural to be apprehensive when someone comes along, again, and wants to be a part of your life. While you may have realized the fact that you are fine being alone, thanks to your ‘single being the new relationship’ discovery, you can handle things if they don’t go your way, much better this time.

It may not sound like a very romantic idea, but it sure is quite optimistic! The optimism resides in the fact that you are buckled up to go back to being yourself if things don’t work out. Believe that you were a whole person before the opportunity of a relationship came knocking. Rest assured, if you have the attitude of not making that ‘special someone’ the solution to all your problems but an asset to your life, the relationship can be really stronger. Take a risk so you can have all that life offers! There’s no reason we can’t have it all!

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