Is it good for a husband and his wife to be in the same profession? Or are couples better off pursuing their different career interests? Let's dive into the nitty-gritty of successful marital lives to evaluate whether the grass is really greener on the other side.
Questions such as this are not exhausted with a yes or a no answer. It really depends on what the parties want for themselves individually and together. Falling in love, staying in love and making a marriage work out transcends these mundane arguments. You and your partner being lawyers or engineers is really a trivial concern. As long as your spouse is interesting, exciting, caring, loving, considerate and above all a ‘family-person’, it's all good, really.
While some may believe that being in the same profession bolsters the bonding between couples, reinforces an understanding towards each others’ work ethics and commitments and also takes the professional pressure off their back, others believe that such a situation may lead to unhealthy rivalry and competition between the couple. Such a situation will only worsen with time; beginning with hurting each other’s ego, it might become as colossal as leading to a separation.
Remarks Priyamvada Singh, a lawyer by profession: “Initially I thought it would be interesting to marry a legal practitioner since we shared a common passion – our career .But once it so happened that we were involved in the same case. He was to defend his client while I was the government lawyer. The case took a toll on our family life since we were fighting against each other. During those days we would talk each-other to death and keep arguing forever! Our marriage was actually in distress!”
In another recent case, Rajat and Mansi Agarwal, both working in the advertising industry, fell prey to recession and were shown the pink slip. Under such an unfortunate circumstance we are pushed to believe that if an adverse economic or socio-political climate affects a particular profession negatively, the family can still manage to sail through with the other profession. Importantly, seldom does your partner know about better prospects apart from your current similar vocation. This may lead both of you to a severe financial crunch, besides wrecking your mental peace.
It is unwise for a husband and his wife to take up similar careers. For one, it is rare that a husband and a wife handle the same case similarly. There lies an inherent ‘conflict of interest’ in their points of view about things. One making a steady progress might upset the other and create undesirable pressure. Imagine a situation whereby a wife gets promoted while her husband is professionally still her subordinate. A worst case scenario could be the couple working in the same organization and the nature of duties requiring one to report to the other. And if the wife happens to be the rude type, at the slightest provocation, which most women are typically extremely vulnerable to, she would not hesitate in reminding the husband of his place in the professional scheme of things. Knowing how high a man holds his ego, such a situation will not only bring about the ruin of his professional stability but also devastate his self-esteem.
There are bigger tribulations than these. A person well-educated about the work ethics of a particular profession might even doubt the integrity of his partner. Careers involving late-nights, free interaction with the opposite sex, the liberty to dress casually and comprising nonchalant attitude towards work, are not taken well (forget valued) by most Indian partners – men or women. What would you in the face of such concerns? Would you rather destroy your home because of your work?
Then there’s a different group that spots no problems in couples being in the same profession. According to them the responsibility falls back on both partners to find fun and excitement, and convenience of being in the same profession. Open old albums and you’re sure to pin-point at least a few couples who met in the same workplace, even families whereby parents and children have taken up similar careers. Businessman marries businessman and an actor marries and actor. There’s nothing wrong in that!
Pratyush Kaul, a theatre actor, says “being together with my wife who is also a theatre artist has helped me a lot. We have that wavelength and understanding between us. We have seen the pitfalls of success and failure together. An actor's life is very insecure. There is a lot of demand on each other. And only an actor can understand what the other is going through. We discuss our work together and let out our frustrations which could vary from troubling co-actors to professional inconveniences."
A lot depends upon the profession you are in. Some people love talking to their partners about projects, interests, ideas, concepts without ever feeling that it would get too much and too monotonous. What might appear as jargon to the rest of the world might mean understanding and being at the same wavelength to them. In such a condition, both partners learn to respect and value each other’s knowledge, experience and values. The only major issue that might crop-up is that they take their arguments to work and it affects their professional performance. All other trivial issues can be resolved by open-minded and clear thinking by loving partners.
Interestingly, the very reasons which alienate couples from each other, act as a bonding factor for couples in the same profession. For one, your partner knows the tricks of the trade along with its pros and cons. As much as you can’t hide anything from him, you can rest assured that he or she, owning to her industry experience, will come to your aid when the situation arises. This also diminishes the scope of doubt between partners. No more are regular tours or late nights an issue because you can see your feet fitting perfectly in your partner’s shoes! Importantly, couples with same careers know that their work is as important as their partners’. They also know their limits and boundaries. This makes way for the three most essential elements that comprise a successful relationship – trust, independence and understanding.
Recently married Abhay and Preety Kumar enjoy belonging to this category. Says Abhay, “I'm an entrepreneur and so is my wife. I make documentary films and she edits them. We enjoy working together as a team, perhaps because we are a couple. We know each other as individuals and from time to time appreciate and criticize each other’s work too. But the best thing is the criticism generates from our knowledge of what can make each other better as professionals as well as human beings.”
To this Preety adds, “Erratic schedules, things getting delayed, round-the-clock work…and also the profit, he knows about the perks of being an entrepreneur and at the same time the negatives too. As my husband he is the best person to advice me to do the right thing. Of course the love of profit is also another thing that unites us! A family with two entrepreneurs is truly exciting!”
Being in the same profession does not affect time spent with the children any more than being in a different demanding job. There are people who are in the same profession and make great couples.
In fact, they are all around us – doctors, lawyers, teachers, bankers. Almost any doctor you visit, chances are his or her husband or wife is a doctor too! They are happily married and doing great.
However, similar profession could be tasking too. For instance, as doctors both partners might have to make themselves available for round the clock calls. The same holds true for actors, film makers and media professionals. If such scenarios become a regular affair, they either lead to negative implications on married life or compromise by either of the partners. Matters may take a bad turn when a partner starts out-spacing the other. If the couple is mature and do not view each other as rivals, they may find it easier to communicate and sort their problems.
While being in the same profession may make you feel that there is nothing new to discover in a person and that your conversations with your spouse revolve around professional matters only. Chances are, there may be clashes over professional points of view, ego problems and even arguments about who is right and who is wrong. There might also be a dimension of financial insecurity involved since both partners will be equally hit by an economical crisis. But then, there are paybacks too!
A partner is an asset, not a business rival. Relationships are formed when we meet like-minded people. The profession part of it may take a back-seat if partners are well tuned to each other, are understanding, non-interfering and know how to draw a line between the ‘professional and the ‘personal’. Whether or not he or she is more successful or earns more than you, what is more important is that both of you share a common vision of a successful family life while also maintaining similar philosophy and mission objective about your professional graph.
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